I love book clubs.  I guess I can’t say book clubs plural, as I’ve only been a part of one book club.  But my one book club is fabulous.  Every month or so, I get together with a group of people, and we talk about a book.  Often only about half of us have even read it, but nonetheless, there’s always a great discussion.   The host cooks dinner, everyone brings a bottle of wine, and it’s a wonderful time that ends up being a highlight of my week. 

When Mel posted the idea about an online book shower for Tertia’s book So Close, I immediately signed up.  What a fantastic idea.  It combines my nerdy love of discussing books with my affection for this very special infertility community we have here in blog land.  So even though I can’t have a glass (or bottle) of wine with all of you, pull up a chair, check out the other shower posts, and then read Tertia’s book. 

I think there’s something of real value in this book for every infertile, regardless of what path you are taking or how your journey or choices may differ from Tertia’s.  I think Tertia and I are pretty different.  But I love this book, and I love her.  I really do.  Her story, and particularly the way she tells it, is so authentically real.  She does not pretty things up.  She is honest.  As different as she and I may be, I saw myself in the pages of this book.   My heart aches for the suffering that she has been through.  Suffering we all go through, in our own way, by falling into the “life is not what we expected” category when it comes to having children.  So while I wish she had never had to go through this struggle, her words about her journey have helped me.  They are still helping me.  I have sections of this book that I’ve flagged to re-read, because they are that good–either because I connect with what she says in such a powerful way, or because they are so informative.  The wealth of information here is even useful for those who aren’t infertile, but love someone who is. 

Mel had a few questions to choose from, and I chose this one:

On page 20, Tertia has a moment where she predicts that her journey to parenthood may be more difficult than she thought even though nothing has happened yet to point in that direction.  Have you ever had a moment of premonition like that and if so, did it come true (this moment of premonition can be about fertility or any other aspect of life)?

Though I had no conscious premonition that we would have difficulty trying to conceive, I wonder if somehow, subconsciously maybe, I knew.  In the months before I threw out the birth control, while I was studying the Fertility Awareness Method in “Taking Charge of Your Fertility,” I came across an infertility blog.  I don’t remember which one it was.  I read it, and then found more infertility blogs, and read some more.  During our first three months of trying to conceive (well before I ever thought we might have “a problem”) I was already reading a fair number of infertility blogs regularly.  I’m not sure why.  Was it a premonition?  Sometimes I actually wonder if I somehow brought about our infertility (or am perpetuating it) by continuing to read infertility blogs so regularly.  Does anyone ever wonder about this, or is it just me? 

Anyway, as far as conscious premonitions go, I’m pretty lousy.  The strongest premonition I ever had was twelve years ago when I met a guy in a sandwich line, spoke with him for ten minutes, and immediately knew that he was the man I would marry.  I had never been so completely sure of anything before.  This certainty and conviction propelled me to pine for and chase after him for years, breaking my heart into multiple pieces and embarrassing myself on several occasions.  I finally came to my senses at around the same time I began seeing M, but the whole ordeal lasted over four years.  That is a story for another day, though. 

This shower post is similar to my book discussion comments–too long, combined with an overshare of personal information.  So I think we can say this is a successful book shower.  I propose a toast to Tertia, and to all of the women in this club that no one wishes to join, who have the strength and talent to write about their experiences to make each of our journeys feel a little less lonely, a little less scary, and a lot more normal.