A break. Not from blogging, but from trying to conceive. M and I have decided to take a break from trying until sometime in the Spring. After trying for over two years, I think it will do us both good to (hopefully) relax and not be thinking about trying to get pregnant; and it also makes sense considering my new job (since FMLA leave won’t apply until I’ve been employed for at least a year). So, we wait.
I started my new job this week, and so far I love it. The people are really nice and down to earth. The women are smart, capable and confident, yet wear comfortable shoes (my kind of gals). So I’m very optimistic that this will be a good fit for me. I still can’t believe I got this job. Sometimes I think I need to pinch myself.
I’m turning to a new goal, now that pregnancy is on the back-burner: I want to get out of debt. We have a lot, and we spend frivolously to compound the problem. It would be wonderful if we could get out of debt in 2010. I actually said that about 2009 too, but I’m not letting that discourage me from really trying to make it happen in the upcoming year. I’ve taken a major salary cut with the new job, which strangely makes me feel better about our prospects because I think we’ll be watching our money much more closely. Plus, I did a LOT of “therapy shopping” in my old job. I would spend so much time working, sitting in front of my computer into the late hours, feeling like I had no life (because I didn’t) that I would just buy things online as a way to make myself feel better about it all. Not a good habit, but it was a way of trying to justify the sacrifices I was making for the pay. Now, making a lot less, but getting home at a sufficiently decent hour to have a life, I don’t think that the therapy shopping should be as much of an issue. But I do still love and regularly stalk Anthropologie. Don’t you just love this cozy sweater?
Perhaps it shall be mine when it goes on sale.
Anyway, I digress. Bottom line: life is good, and for the next few months we’re going to try to forget about the fact that we can’t seem to get pregnant.
I had a lovely thought last week. It was about 11:00 in the morning and I decided to go for a long run. While I was running, I thought to myself what wonderful freedom I have, that I wouldn’t have if we already had a child. This doesn’t take away from my longing for a child in any way, but it just helps me to be more thankful for the present moment; the gift and beauty that is there now in our current situation. And in our present circumstances, I can leave the house without telling anyone, and go for an hour-long run without having to worry about someone watching my child. That’s pretty nice. I am thankful. I don’t want it to stay this way, but I want to recognize the bits of grace that are sprinkled through my days as a childless woman.
I think, slowly but surely, I am getting some peace.
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November 10, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Hillary
I am so thankful for your new job and moments of peace and freedom. I love the image of you running and recognizing your freedom while the air is flying by. All the best to you in your new goal of getting out of debt!
And, yes, I LOVE the sweater!
November 11, 2009 at 11:04 am
Quiet Dreams
I know what you mean about still wanting children so badly, but also enjoying your freedom. So glad to read that you are getting some peace. I love that.
November 11, 2009 at 12:46 pm
loribeth
Taking a break can be hard (especially when you’re getting older & hearing that clock ticking ever louder) but it can really be a good thing sometimes — for your body, your mind, your relationship and, yes, your wallet! I hope you accomplish your debt reduction goal!
November 11, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Kathryn
If you find a way to “forget about it” please share! I wish i was able to.
One resource that has helped me a lot with finances is the blog Simple Dollar. http://www.thesimpledollar.com/ Just 3-1/2 years ago Trent & his family were near drowning & now they are debt free (except for a mortgage) & he gives good advice. He says he is not a finance expert, but he has a lot of common sense.
I’ve just found your blog recently, so i don’t know your history. Have you done diet as a way to improve health & fertility?
I’ve resources, if you’re interested, but don’t want to come across as patronizing or anything (or give advice where it isn’t wanted-that can be rude).
Hope you are able to rest for the holidays & enjoy them & the new job.
November 12, 2009 at 12:09 pm
babyinterrupted
I’ve found that our recent break has done me a lot of good, much in the way you’ve described. Sometimes while we’re relaxing at night, I think, “boy, a baby would be a lot of work; it’s nice to sit here quietly and do what we want,” which doesn’t mean that I don’t want a child, but it is nice to have the space to appreciate your life for what it is, right now. And I’m so happy that you’re enjoying your job! Life is so much better when work is enjoyable.
And yes – I covet that sweater. I may have to watch their website for a sale myself. 🙂
November 12, 2009 at 8:07 pm
loribeth
I have an award for you on my blog. : )
November 15, 2009 at 5:18 pm
slouchy
You remind me of me. In that I am desperate to get out of debt, and desperately in love with Anthropologie. Somehow I’m thinking that my desires are a tad incompatible… LOL!
December 29, 2009 at 10:05 am
jones
thinking of you and hope that you’re having a happy holiday season.
January 5, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Elisabeth
Hello!
My name is Elisabeth, and I am an infertility / repeated pregnancy loss “veteran”. You can read a little bit about me and my experiences in my (not very updated) blog: drhousewife.blogspot.com . I am completing a PhD in Counseling Psychology, and my dissertation is focused upon the impact of infertility on marriage. I believe strongly that there is a need for better support services for men and women who are undergoing IF diagnosis and treatment, and my hope is that this study will aid in the development of such services.
I am contacting you after stumbling across your blog. I am recruiting participants for my study, and wanted to invite you and your husband to take part. All that would be involved would be the completion of an online survey, that would take approximately 20 minutes. All couples who complete the surveys will receive a voucher good for a pair of free movie tickets at a Regal Cinemas.
Please let me know if you are interested by emailing me at UTInfertilityResearch@gmail.com . I have included the criteria for participation below.
Feel free to pass information along to anyone you know who might be interested in contributing to this study.
Best of luck to you!
Elisabeth
Member of a married, heterosexual couple
Both you and your spouse are between the ages of 20 – 45
You do not have any biological or adopted children living in your home
You are not currently pregnant
Either you, your spouse, or both has received an infertility diagnosis
You have received treatment for infertility in the past six months, or plan to do so in the next six months
Both you and your partner are willing to participate & have access to the internet