Last night over dinner:

“Alright, I’m only telling you this because it’s on my mind.  But I’m sure it’s nothing.” 

“Okay.”

“This morning I woke up feeling nauseated.  I then had cramps that felt just like period cramps, and some spotting.”

“Are you getting your period?”

“If so, it’s a week early.”

“So…do you think you could be pregnant?”

“I don’t think so.  But more than that, I don’t want to even entertain the possibility because I don’t want to get my hopes up.  So, here are all the reasons why I’m not pregnant:  I get pre-period spotting all the time (though it’s never been this heavy or accompanied by cramps).  And I don’t think we really timed everything right this cycle; we’ve both been so busy and distracted.  And my breasts aren’t tender.  And the nausea was brief and may have just been part of the cramps.  I think. ”

“Are you going to take a test?”

“NO.  Absolutely not.  I hate taking tests and getting a negative.  I would rather just wait.  There’s no point in taking a test now when we’ll know soon enough what is (or isn’t) going on.”

“Okay, that makes sense.  I’m going to do my best not get excited or anything.”

I proceeded to drink two glasses of wine.  When we got home, I took a test.  Just marched right over the cabinet, grabbed one, and did it like it was No Big Deal.  I told myself that I should take it because a negative would actually make me feel good this time (since I could ease my mind about the wine I had, plus the Aleve I took that morning for the cramps).  “Oh, since I’m going to start working out again TOMORROW, it probably would be better to not be pregnant so I don’t have to worry about doing a hard workout in the morning* to get myself back into the swing of things.”  Right?  Yep, makes perfect sense.

Negative. 

This is so typical of the over-analysis that I’m trying to get away from.  I had to get away from charting and TTC message boards.  But inevitably, I always over-analyze during the two week wait. (Do you know how many google results there are for spotting/cramping/etc. 2WW symptoms?  Why do we do this to ourselves?)  I want to stop but I can’t help it.

*Oh, and guess who didn’t work out this morning?  Shocker.

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