Last night over dinner:
“Alright, I’m only telling you this because it’s on my mind. But I’m sure it’s nothing.”
“Okay.”
“This morning I woke up feeling nauseated. I then had cramps that felt just like period cramps, and some spotting.”
“Are you getting your period?”
“If so, it’s a week early.”
“So…do you think you could be pregnant?”
“I don’t think so. But more than that, I don’t want to even entertain the possibility because I don’t want to get my hopes up. So, here are all the reasons why I’m not pregnant: I get pre-period spotting all the time (though it’s never been this heavy or accompanied by cramps). And I don’t think we really timed everything right this cycle; we’ve both been so busy and distracted. And my breasts aren’t tender. And the nausea was brief and may have just been part of the cramps. I think. ”
“Are you going to take a test?”
“NO. Absolutely not. I hate taking tests and getting a negative. I would rather just wait. There’s no point in taking a test now when we’ll know soon enough what is (or isn’t) going on.”
“Okay, that makes sense. I’m going to do my best not get excited or anything.”
I proceeded to drink two glasses of wine. When we got home, I took a test. Just marched right over the cabinet, grabbed one, and did it like it was No Big Deal. I told myself that I should take it because a negative would actually make me feel good this time (since I could ease my mind about the wine I had, plus the Aleve I took that morning for the cramps). “Oh, since I’m going to start working out again TOMORROW, it probably would be better to not be pregnant so I don’t have to worry about doing a hard workout in the morning* to get myself back into the swing of things.” Right? Yep, makes perfect sense.
Negative.
This is so typical of the over-analysis that I’m trying to get away from. I had to get away from charting and TTC message boards. But inevitably, I always over-analyze during the two week wait. (Do you know how many google results there are for spotting/cramping/etc. 2WW symptoms? Why do we do this to ourselves?) I want to stop but I can’t help it.
*Oh, and guess who didn’t work out this morning? Shocker.
A Real Life 
4 comments
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March 17, 2009 at 12:29 pm
awakeintheworld
It’s a little too hard NOT to over-analyze during the 2ww, I should think. Anyhow, I’m sorry for the negative.
And thank you for your support.
March 18, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Hillary
I think we all do it (over-analyze). But the negative are always tough. I’m sorry 😦
March 27, 2009 at 8:00 am
awakeintheworld
Thank you for your support. I think he found the blog. Things have been escalating, but I am safe. I will let you know when I have a chance to set up a new blog.
March 31, 2009 at 8:27 pm
On vacation « A Real Life
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