With all of the octuplet mom brouhaha, I almost missed this story regarding the increasing number of American women having babies when they’re “young” (according to the article, in 2006 the average age at which women had their first child was 25). The article quotes Candace Parker, the 22-year-old WNBA star who recently announced her pregnancy, extolling the benefits of having a baby sooner:
“[T]his decision obviously was for myself and my husband and my family.” Ms. Parker’s parents were in their 30s when she was born, and “I kind of missed out” on shooting hoops with her dad and other shared play, she says. She wants her children to have the benefit of young parents.
The article goes on to note that young moms value their children having close bonds with grandparents.
*deep breath*
So I’m being overly sensitive. I know. But it’s hard not to feel a bit stung after reading this article. I always wanted to be a young mom (whatever that even means–isn’t mid-thirties still somewhat of a young mom?) I started trying to conceive when I was twenty-seven. Yes, I had already finished graduate school and started my career, but that’s still pretty young, right? It wasn’t my choice to be out of my twenties before having a child. Infertility is what put me here. And who says I won’t be able to shoot hoops with any kids I have when I’m in my thirties? Is this really true? Do women that have children at twenty-two love their parents more than I love mine? Is it less important to me that my children have a relationship with their grandparents, since I didn’t have a baby before I turned twenty-five?
I refuse to accept the notion that because I waited to start trying to conceive until I was finished with school and had a job (even aside from the fact that M is still in school), that therefore it’s not important to me that my children know their grandparents, or that I’m able to run around and be active with my kids. For what it’s worth, Wall Street Journal, my “plan” was that I’d have my first child while twenty-seven, then have one or two more (approximately two years apart each, of course), and be through having kids by the time I turned thirty-five. I was naive, sure, but plenty of people remain right there in “life according to plan” land and make their “choice” to have kids while “young.”
And it’s not so much the naivete of anyone in that position; but what bothers me so much is assigning a purposefulness to these young moms, that really isn’t there except by sheer luck. One might as well say that people who live to be one hundred made the choice to not get cancer, to not have a heart attack, to not get hit by a bus. Am I way off base here?
Just blowing off some steam.
A Real Life 
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February 12, 2009 at 3:45 pm
awakeintheworld
I also would have loved to be a “young” mom. My sister is one of these young moms, and I am so insanely jealous of her being not only a mom, but so young. If I ever do get to have kids, I’ll never fit into that category. On the other hand, I’d like to think that I’ll be a much BETTER mom at thirty-whatever than I would have been at 22, shooting hoops notwithstanding.
February 13, 2009 at 12:52 am
babyinterrupted
I suspect I’ll be a much better mom at 36 than I would have been at 22, except maybe for energy level. 🙂 What hurts when I read those sorts of comments, about ‘choosing to be a young mom,’ is the implication that being an older mom is somebody’s fault, or somebody’s selfish choice. I simply didn’t meet my husband until I was 30, and then we wanted to be married for a year before kids, and then we found ourselves on a three year infertility path…and here we are! (And, hey – my dad was 31 when I was born, and he shot hoops with me all the time. Take that, Candace Parker.)
February 21, 2009 at 9:15 pm
bubbledragon
I was talking with my grandmother about my woes. She mentioned she had gotten the same two periods a month that I’ve been having – starting after my dad was born. I offhandedly asked, “Oh, so you were 25 or so?” and she laughed, “No, 21!” And my dad was the second/last.
Way to make me feel like I waited too long. I’m only 26. I just think it’s two cultures clashing here. Growing up it was expected that you have to get X, Y, and Z done, that you should have your ducks in a row before you have kids, and people who don’t are irresponsible, etc etc. And on the other hand, you get told that if having kids is really important to you, “There’s never a right time.” So it’s like being between a rock and a hard place I guess.